I was driving back to Ohio from Wisconsin and during this 8 hour period i reflected upon the reason why this year has been so different from the past years. I guess the moving around all the time has a large impact on my family because we really have not been able to establish much of a "home" where we can all gather and be a family once again. This was also a year where we spent Christmas somewhere other than our now sold home in Oakville. It's been nice spending time with my family these few days because we only get to be together once a year. but i feel that i've drifted far from my family. I guess living alone on campus and meeting new people changed me into an independent individual. I feel i'm not dependent on my family at all because I've been able to establish a new family in York. Another struggle that effects me everyday is the sense of belonging. I believe that the reason i seek a new family at York is because my own insecurity. I feel as if i always need someone there for me. I find it hard to seek the right friends because i know that i am multifaced. I have my church-face, my school-face and my family-face. I have three groups of friends that are totally opposite and over the years i have been trying to deal with my identity crisis. Over the few days isolated in Wisonsin with only a TV and couch, i decided to do something productive and take the time to analyse myself and find out who i really am. I am confused about many aspects of my personality, i don't understand why i have traits that contradict each other. Some people may think i'm good at making friends, its because i have no problem adapting or "copying" another person's character, example; sharing the same interests. I find myself in a struggle between being the right Christian role-model or turning away from everyone and not giving others the benefit of the doubt. I find it amazing how God can keep forgiving me even when i say i will change countless times and not hold it against me. He always believes in me no matter what i do. It is this type of child-like faith that i want to show my friends and yet i find myself bitter with mistrust and frustration. I put my trust in others and it's there for you to lose. I alwyas give the benefit of the doubt, but lately I've been taken advantage of too many times and I've had to pay too many countless nights of insomnia. It's been driving me insane and i dont understand how He wants me to keep believing in people. Is it naive to believe that people can change? I always believe that people can change but how can i say that when i don't believe that I can change